The 7 Steps to Fixing Everything About Yourself

My screen is filled with all sorts of 3 step, 5 step, 7 step (even a 31 step) list of things you should/shouldn’t do articles and blog posts. Feeling inspired, I decided to write one of my own.

Some rights reserved by birgerking

Some rights reserved by birgerking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 7 Steps to Fixing Everything That is Wrong with You

 

  1. Read every 3-12 (or more) step blog looking to for any problem you didn’t know you had

Subscribe to every email list you can find. There are recommendations for all sorts of things you didn’t even know were wrong with you. I recently learned my Paleo-Vegan diet might one day kill me.

  1. Always assume you need to be fixed (for the best way, see number 1 above)

After all, if your life isn’t perfect, with the perfect mate, perfect skin, perfect make up, perfect pet, then you are obviously deficient in some way and it will likely kill you soon, or give you some horrible disease that can only be kept under control with medications that have side effects which include blindness, eye color change, loss of limbs and/or explosive heart syndrome.

  1. Chase every new super food, diet, cleanse, program, or whatever to work smarter not harder

Mother Nature is wrong. The only way to stay healthy and at your perfect weight without exercise, portion control or real food, is to cleanse, diet and gorge on super foods. Ideally all at the same time.

  1. Work on ‘improving’ yourself in as many ways as possible, all at once

With so many obvious flaws, and a limited life span thanks to a reckless diet and not enough super foods, you need to get started right away on fixing those flaws. And not one at a time, that’s going to take far too long. Jump in (unless your current medicinal side effects include brittle bone disease, then walk in) and start fixing everything all at once.

  1. Find the app for that

There is an app for pretty much everything out there. If you haven’t installed an app (or 2 or 3 or 10) to start diagnosing and fixing your problems; what’re you waiting for? You aren’t going to live forever.

  1. Take every self-help class you can from every self-proclaimed guru you can find

After all, they said they’re enlightened (better, fixed, whatever) and why would they lie? What the latest guru says contradicts the last one? Well, that last one was obviously a quack, and you need to go find someone else to tell you what’s wrong with you and for a mere $5000 payable in 12 easy installments, put you on the path to their next course..oh yeah, and on the path to fixing you.

  1. Run over anyone who gets in the way of your journey to being a better person

Whether this is verbally, physically or emotionally, don’t let anyone get in the way of you improving yourself. And anyone who tries isn’t really there for you and needs to be exiled out of your life. After all, who are these people to tell you that you aren’t broken? Family? Friends? What do they know? Show them the latest blog post on why avocados make the best under arm deodorant; they need to be educated or cut loose!

 

Follow these steps without fail, and I will guarantee absolutely nothing. I’m not saying some of the stuff out there isn’t good. Quite the opposite, some of it is great; thought provoking, insightful and inspiring. However, I also believe that we as the readers need to filter all the advice and lists through our own actual needs to support our own individual journey. Change is a very personal thing. I understand the benefits of coconut oil in cooking and other things; but I can’t stand the smell or taste of the stuff. So there really isn’t a need for me to read about how good it is for me. I’m still not going to use it.

 

In my experience, these lists are typically short and not very detailed, nor are they meant to be. I believe that they offer ideas to get the reader thinking so that we, the readers, can go and explore new ideas. Some (coconut oil for example) may never go any further. But others might set your world on end and start you down a path you hadn’t seen.

Image courtesy of pyrat_wesly.

Image courtesy of pyrat_wesly.

 

 

 

It’s still a good piece of advice to not judge a book by its cover. In this age of instant information and self-proclaimed knowledge, sometimes the content of the book (or blog post) shouldn’t be taken at face value either.

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