As you may have noticed, I’ve been lax on my posting for a bit. I’ve heard it say that the Universe never gives you any challenge you can’t handle. Of course I (and you) ARE the Universe, so really I’m really just challenging myself….but I digress. I’ve been confronting some particularly sticky challenges in my personal life lately (I won’t bore you with the details) and it came to a head recently when I contemplated throwing the towel in completely and giving up all the things I am passionate about; Tae Kwon Do, yoga, ki gong, teaching, writing, all of it. I was at a pretty low point.
I wouldn’t say I’m completely out of the woods, but I feel like I have definitely turned a proverbial corner. I took time one evening when I would usually be at Tae Kwon Do teaching, and I tried out not doing any of the things I am passionate about. I’m experimental. I learn best by doing.
I went to a local park, sat on a bench and just did…well, nothing I would normally do at that time. I watched the world, nature and people. It was enjoyable and even relaxing. I marveled at the teens and 20’s that gathered in groups to look at their own phones; cat videos I assume, there was laughing. I stewed, I fumed, I sat with my tumultuous emotions. About then the Universe decided to stop kicking my teeth in to get my attention and went soft sell.
One of my students was walking by, spotted me and came over. They had been struggling with part of their curriculum in Tae Kwon Do and I had given them a little extra help to get them going in the right direction. They were so happy to feel like they were making progress, they just wanted to thank me for helping. Oh Universe you mysterious, thoughtful, evil, conniving beauty.
My plan to open my own school and strike out on my own has recently been nearly scuttled. It’s left me adrift and uncertain. I’m good at adjusting my plans to reach a goal. Obstacles are simply ways to make the end result better and whether I go over, around or through the obstacle, with a solid goal, I can make it work. But when my goal evaporated, I was left, well, lost and directionless.
My student reminded me of why I wanted to make this change in my life. It isn’t ego, it’s service, it’s what I’m passionate about doing. I can help people. I have helped people. I help people now. I can help more people. I can’t help everyone, but I’m okay with that. I can help the ones I can help. I needed that reminder.
I’m not sure what the future is going to be. I am redefining my goals and still looking for some way to start my own place. No matter what shifts and changes happen, I remain resolute that I will continue to help. I will continue to teach. I will continue to write and share. I’m confident that I can help at least one person, and that’s enough. With that being said, you can expect to be hearing from me more and for me to get back on a regular publishing schedule.
I’m bruised, I’m battered, and I might even be deep fried (a little Southern humor there), but I am not backing down. I’m standing my ground. (And now I’m getting sued by Tom Petty.) More to come and more to share. Thanks for going with me on this always interesting, sometimes painful, wouldn’t change it for anything ride.